I absolutely love being married. It has been such an adventure! Al and I have, I think, a very interesting relationship... not like many (or any other) married couple I know. We spend most of our week apart (school, friends, work, working out, reading at the Tree, girl's night, lab night...). We are two fully functional, independent people. He goes out with the guys, no questions asked.. and the same for me when I stay out till 3 a.m (we need to go to homebar/green elephant more often!). Its like we are just dating again, but living behind the same door and sharing the same foods. One thing I can say about Al and I is that we literally share all responsibilities with respect to the apartment. I wasted a lot of heartburns worrying about who would vacuum, do the dishes, get the groceries... Silly me! We really are a partnership. I think the American culture should drop the terms "wife" and "husband" and go with the Oak Lawn community and start saying "life partners." When people ask and I share about how Al and I interact and support each other, some say he takes on a lot of the "feminine" roles, but I disagree and say that we both are participating in this journey called Life and are both doing things needed for survival. If he didn't cook, we'd starve! :) Seriously though, I'd boldly say that Al and I don't acknowledge or participate in stereotypical roles that we grew up to think was "normal." Without a second thought, we do all we can to support, respect, encourage, and love each other no matter the task. I couldn't ask for a better partner in life.
Though his family's eyes
Disclaimer: This is only my point of view and what I believe is right for me and for Alex. I believe people can and should have the right to choose how they'd like to live, think, act, and behave. These are only my observations and interpretations and not necessarily true to their intentions.
Al and I took a quick trip up to Tulsa Sunday through Tuesday after Christmas. It was my first white Christmas. A foot of snow. Gently covering every inch of the city. It was beautiful! Every time we visit his family (all 9,000 of them) we are reminded that other couples live with different expectations. Many of which are "unfamiliar" with equal partnership and would either dislike the idea or be envious of such an experience. As we opened presents from his family, his grandparents in particular, I was surprise to see what we each were given though I am so grateful for all the wonderful gifts his family graciously gave. Let's start with his mom's parents: Nene and Papa. I love them like they were my own grandparents. They are so silly.... We each were given a cooking apron and a cookbook. His, of course, was black, simple, and had big bold letters "KING OF THE GRILL." Mine, however, was pink, had frills (it really was kind of cute) except that it had words that I'd never thought I'd be described as.... "Domestic Diva" Hehe. It was cute. They really liked giving us the aprons.
We finished opening the rest of the presents and everyone is still sitting around the tree with us. This grandfather stands up, grabs a paper sack, and comes up to me and says, "Here, Angellia. Here's a bag for you to pack up all of your and Alex's gifts." It really wasn't a big deal, but I was just kind of taken back... Heck. Alex can pack his own stuff up. :)
Then came dinner. It was made pretty clear that the girls were to get dinner ready while the boys go sit at the table and wait for us. Fine. After dinner, boys were told by Papa to go into the living room to watch tv while the girls get everything cleaned up and ready to go (leftovers). Okay fine.
These things really aren't a big deal...nothing I'd hadn't seen before... but it just seamed strange. Why couldn't everyone help clean up? It would go much faster....? Whatever.
Then the funniest thing happened. As we were leaving Nene and Papa's house, we had quite a few bags of presents (that I packed...) so I asked Alex is he'd grab a few that I couldn't carry. No big deal. Al's dad then said, "Alex, you'd better do what the wife says. The woman has imminent domain. Take care of your bride." Hold on! I'm so confused. Things just aren't adding up.... the whole time it seemed like I had to "take care of" Alex.... hmmm
Leaving their house I wasn't sure what to think. I know I'm taking things too seriously and interpreting things too literally.... but there it is. I'd like to move on and think nothing of it, but for some reason I can't. My dilemma is that I want people (myself included) to be happy. I want relationships to be healthy, loving, respectful... I just want others to experience what a true life partnership if like....
But I shouldn't say those things... who I am to say they don't have that already? Who am I say to say these things only being married for less than 5 months. Silly me...
Silly me.
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